Mediation is an opportunity. If you and your partner have decided to separate or divorce, then mediation provides a structured process to discuss and mutually agree your arrangements. It is a choice to move forward and find answers to the questions which will determine what your life will look like in future. This can be in respect of arrangements for your children or finances.
Mediation is a facilitated negotiation. This means that you and your former partner have control and responsibility for the outcome of the mediation. Each of you will be responsible for negotiating, considering, and responding to proposals. During the mediation each person has an opportunity to share their perspective. For some people this is the first time they can discuss topics which have been too difficult to discuss during the relationship.
A family mediator will not make a decision nor give legal advice. The role of the family mediator is to work with each party to understand the issues, concerns, and priorities for each person. The family mediator will assist communication to help you have the most constructive conversation possible. Therefore, family mediators advise parties to mediation to seek independent legal advice.
It may be that it would be helpful to you or your former partner to have a support person or solicitor attend mediation with you. With the consent of all parties, family mediators welcome the attendance of constructive third parties. If you think it would be helpful to you to have a third party attend the mediation session, then speak with your family mediator.
Mediation is not counselling or therapy. Attending mediation is not a discussion about the past or who acted inappropriately. Sometimes people are concerned that the mediation will be a repetitive conversation about the past and blame. Family mediators are trained to manage the process and provide momentum to move forward. Mediation is not about apportioning blame for the end of the relationship. Family mediators accept that relationships are difficult. The stresses of life can overwhelm a relationship’s capacity to cope. When this happens, communication, problem-solving and trust may be non-existent.
A family mediator is impartial as regards each person and any outcome. In Hong Kong, if there are children of the family, accredited family mediators have an ethical duty to help parents to focus on their children’s best interests. This may mean introducing research-based information to assist parents to consider how best to support their children through the transition of separation or divorce.
Family mediators may come from a counselling or legal background. Accredited family mediators are required to complete training and live supervisions. The training provides accredited family mediators with knowledge about the psychological processes of separation, negotiation theory, communication, children’s developmental stages and the legal context of divorce and separation.